Little Lebowski Urban Goats

"Donny, shut the - when do we play?"

2011-09-01T11:38:00.004-04:00

Today is G Day. We hit the road this afternoon and head west into the night, looking to manifest our goat roasting destiny. Our recipe is set, the trunks are loaded, and "God Bless Texas" is playing on a loop. Let the games begin.

Also, Dougie Shoutout to Jason Flynn for his piece profiling our goat roasting team in the school newspaper.

"How was your meeting, Mr. Lebowski?"

2011-08-18T01:02:00.006-04:00

The Little Lebowski Urban Goat herders and roasters are making moves. Culinary conferences have been held. Two goats have been eaten. Fences have been erected. And a new herd has been established.

The TeCroney Manor pastures will host the goats again for the time being. There's plenty of regrowth, which means fat goats in a matter of weeks.

Wednesday night, another goat will be be roasted as our last team building exercise and opportunity to tweak our recipe. We're close, but nobody wants to roll into Texas with less than perfection.

Practice like you play.

"At the wooden bridge we throw the money out of the car!"

2011-08-07T17:37:00.007-04:00

I took this picture on a recent fishing trip in Virginia. These goats were lounging on a country bridge, in a hurry to go nowhere.

I realize there's a corresponding folk tale to this scene. But, I later waded under the bridge, so let's not talk about it...

Rare are opportunities to sneak in a fish-of-the-day pic.

"They posted the next round for the tournament."

2011-08-07T12:43:00.007-04:00

On a brighter note, I have news to share: The Little Lebowski Urban Goat Roasters are taking the show on the road. Roughly two years after our initial goat roast and a foreshadowing blog post, we're headed west to Brady, Texas to compete in this year's BBQ Goat Cookoff. That's right, the granddaddy of 'em all:

In researching cooking techniques for our very first goat, I hit the knowledge jackpot: past champion Alton Bradshaw, a demi god of cabrito. His guidance was no doubt the cause for a successful roast, and for our immediate induction into the goat barbecue community. Ever since, his name his name is spoken with reverence and respect. Now, it's time to meet our makers - the apprentices will cook with the masters.

"Who's your friend in the Volkswagen?"

It's clear Texans don't mess around when it comes to goat cuisine. But don't worry; we don't plan on tiptoeing around our roaster either. The wheels have been turning for months and practice roasts are in the near future. We'll ride into Texas with our heads and hopes high. Laissez les bon temps rouler!

"They're gonna kill that poor woman."

2011-07-26T23:56:00.005-04:00

In honor of her eventful career on the cul-de-sac farm, this hen deserves one last post:

Queen of the grounds, the hen invited herself in to watch the Bravos with Mark.

"Ya. Uzzervize ve kill ze girl."

Unfortunately, the freedom our final hen enjoyed ultimately resulted in her disappearance. Upon returning from Jazz Fest, neither the chicken nor any sign of her were to be found. Sure, death is certainly a possibility, Dude. But, without evidence of fowl play (sorry), nothing is certain. In the meantime, we will continue to convince ourselves of her new fantasy life in the jungle of bamboo behind the yard. Farewell, chicken.

Note: Images are courtesy of Mark Powers - photographer, dougie, and fellow herder.

"Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals."

2011-06-08T22:22:00.012-04:00

For as many extracurricular hours I've spent reading, writing, and learning firsthand about goats and how they relate to landscape architecture, you had to know that it was only a matter of time before I found a way to bring 'goatscaping' into the classroom. Our Urban Design final project was the perfect opportunity. The parameters were open-ended, and the presentation date fell on Cinco de Mayo. Of course I was going to roast a goat.

My classmate Eric Marlowe and I chose to follow up on an earlier project - the urban revitalization of downtown Watkinsville, a small town near Athens. In that project, I proposed goats as part of the solution to reclaim a valuable urban forest.

I knocked on a few doors, but it appears none of Watkinsville's urban citizens are eager to host goats in their backyard for a few days. Instead, we revisited the idea of keeping a small herd at my house.

Feeding time at the Cul-de-Sac Farm

For a little under a week, we watched, filmed, and photographed our modest herd doing what they do best. In less than 48 hours, they had stripped every bamboo leaf within reach and sheared our monkey grass mounds to the ground. The remaining landscape was drastically improved. Mission accomplished.

Three of the four goats were returned to Miss Charlie's farm. The fourth is pictured below, the centerpiece of our presentation:

Dougie Shoutout to Eric for his extremely hands-on involvement in the entire butchering and cooking process.

Prior to Presentation Day, Eric and I requested the half-way point recess for our time slot. The goal was to move our audience through an outdoor exhibit, culminating in a heaping plate cabrito and veggies. After a brief introduction, the masses were released to check out a video, slide show, poster boards, and a pre/post goat example. We even had past goat herd owners Willy and Dana present to shake hands and answer questions.

All told, 30 to 40 people (and one dog) stopped by the studio to learn more about goatscaping and eat with friends. Muchas gracias for attending. I have a hunch this won't be the last time I roast a goat on campus...

To see more pictures from the presentation, click here. When I get a free minute, I'll make the video available online, as well.

"Gimme the marker, Dude. I'm marking it 8."

2011-06-08T21:57:00.004-04:00

A little under two years and a couple of herds ago, this was the view from the Dougie House back deck:

And now, what was once an impenetrable thicket of honeysuckle, wisteria, privet and English ivy has been been replaced with a lush, inviting landscape, like something out of an Irish tourism brochure:

From Platoon to Braveheart. From DK's Barrel Blast Jungle to the hills outside of Hyrule.

And, as if retaking control of the yard wasn't good enough, the plant you see thriving is a native - Jewelweed. Here's the best part: Jewelweed is Mother Nature's remedy for poison ivy reactions. Uh, yes please. Now we've got an endless supply of the magic plant the next time I inevitably rub Satan's ivy all over my face...

"What about the toe?"

2011-04-29T12:20:00.006-04:00

Photo by Kelly Wegel

The sheep on River Road got some more publicity recently at a volunteer privet pruning day. Yours truly even got his name in the campus paper:

"Zach Richardson, a fourth-year landscape architecture major, came out to the event to help clear brush to make way for the sheep.

He is also working on a class project to use goats in a similar way to clear areas of invasive plants.

“I used to live in East Campus and I used to bike past this area,” Richardson said. “That’s part of why I was excited about it because I had wanted to put goats on it.” Richardson and Chandler shared ideas for spreading the concept throughout the community."

The reporter overheard me introduce myself to the sheep's owner, Jennif Chandler. Miss Chandler uses her flock in a very similar way and for all the same reasons I've herded goats. We hit it off immediately. Listening to us talk about husbandry and invasive plants had to be entertaining - two targeted grazing enthusiasts making the same outlandish claims. "We should put goats and sheep everywhere." A couple of tree-huggin' agri-nerds...

Here are the links to the two articles about sheepscaping on campus: The Red & Black and The Athens Banner Herald.

"We are sympathizing here, Dude."

2011-04-29T11:47:00.001-04:00

The joy of a successful goat roast and a 1-1 draw against Argentina was quickly replaced with the sting and sorrow of losing more of our flock. The night after our party, the neighborhood predator struck again...twice. After arriving home very late (or early) from the studio, I found this waiting on me outside:

"Dead Headless Chicken"

Upon hearing our girls call for help, Brian went outside to be the hero. Unfortunately, he was too late and discovered this Rhode Island Red outside the coop. (Why he proceeded to mummify it in aluminum foil, you'll have to ask him yourself.) Before I got home, our evil predator returned to haul off another hen.

That attack left us with a single remaining chicken. Guess which one. Yep, the survivor from past posts. Poor thing had a rough couple of weeks didn't she? The good news, though, is that she's back in the business of egg laying - we've had an egg a day for the past week or so. I think it's safe to declare her fully recovered. What a trooper.

"Got the whole cowboy thing goin'."

2011-04-29T11:26:00.002-04:00

I apologize for the tardy goat roast post. Below are a few pictures from the weekend. All things considered, I'd chalk it up as a success. Good food, drink, and friends, plus a little soccer on TV... what more could you want?

Dr. Boo, like a boss.

The weather was far from cooperative, but goat roasters never say "never."

Jamaican curry, Mediterranean, and Texas barbecue goat. Come 'n getcha some.

"Some beers, a few laughs..."

2011-03-25T01:37:00.003-04:00

Our spontaneous backyard goatscaping experiment for the week hit a minor bump. After analyzing her herd, Mrs. Charlie didn't feel comfortable selling me a goat to both keep for a few days in the city, and then eat. Nothing fit the bill entirely. That is to say, there are edible goats available, yes, but none that were old enough to be removed from the herd and expected to remain relatively quiet.

So, our goats-in-the-chicken-run idea will have to wait until another time. On the bright side, Mrs. Charlie was very receptive to the idea of loaning me a few goats for 24 or 48 hours in the future. A very kind and generous person she is, indeed.

But, don't let the rain check fool you. We're still on for roasting goats this weekend. Two of them, in fact. The onset of warm weather deserves celebrating, and USA is playing Argentina in soccer. I even put a bug in Kelly's ear about preparing one goat Jamaican curry style. Sounds like the makings of a party...

"We're talking about unchecked aggression here, Dude."

2011-03-25T01:16:00.003-04:00

The good news: our wounded hen seems to be slowly recovering. I'm no vet, but it's clear she's starting to act more like a chicken. She even laid an egg today, albeit slightly misshapen. Then Brian dropped it...

The bad news: our rogue predator(s) is still prowling the neighborhood. The closest guess I have after seeing shadowy shapes fleeing the scene is a raccoon. Maybe two. I know, I blew it. That was my chance to prove a point to the little devils.

Plus, I just heard a great horned owl in the backyard for the first time. Right over the chicken run. So, we can chalk owls up to the list of potential predators.

Speaking of the list, I find it fascinating how many people have an opinion on what kind of animals could be stealing from our flock. The boss, the checkout lady at Athens Seed, Grandpa, the roommates. Everybody's got a theory. Whatever it may be, it's getting a lot of attention. What do you think? A penny for your thoughts...

"I will not abide another toe!"

2011-03-23T08:15:00.005-04:00

For two nights in a row, I have been awoken by the sounds of screaming chickens. Clearly, our perimeters have been breached.

The first night resulted in nothing more than a brief chorus of chaos inside the coop and a half nude sprint to the flock to verify its safety. Last night, on the other hand, our flock was not so lucky.

Upon hearing the chickens again, I bolted out onto the deck, scaring away our phantom predator. Unfortunately, I arrived just a few minutes too late...

Lodged between the door and frame was a very unlucky hen. Apparently en route to its dining quarters, the predator left the chicken wedged in place in its haste to avoid my wrath. At first glance, she appeared in bad shape. Shocked, bleeding, and noticeably hurt, her chances at survival didn't look good.

But where there's a will, there's a way. This hen has proved herself to be quite the trooper. Aside from a bad limp and unattractive head wound, she appears to be on the path to recovery. After a rough morning, she spent the day drinking, eating, and resting. We'll keep a watchful eye on her over the next few days and monitor her progress. Keep your fingers crossed.

In the meantime, I'll be waiting patiently to greet our uninvited guest with some sort of unpleasant projectile...

"Leads? Yeah, sure. I'll check with the boys down at the crime lab."

2011-03-21T01:11:00.004-04:00

Behold, a dozen golden eggs. We leave for a few days, and the ladies have a full carton waiting on us. What's not to like?

Nothing. Any animal that makes me breakfast is always welcome at my home. Which is why it pains me to report that two more of our flock - the black and white Domineckers - have fallen victim to another (or the same) neighborhood predator.

A tribute to our fallen hens

So far, we've lost four birds. (Now, only the original three Rhode Island Reds remain.) Our only clues to the identity of our predator(s) are the location of the kills. The ducks were attacked back in the bamboo grove, while these two chickens were killed in the more exposed, open part of their run.

Hawks are certainly a possibility, at least for the deaths of the chickens. There's a nest in a nearby pine, and theres always a few circling overhead. But it could also be a number of other animals: foxes, dogs, raccoons, garden gnomes, rogue poultry murderers, etc. Whatever it is, it should know it has started a war. I just recently saw the movie Fantastic Mr. Fox, so I'm already in the mood to do battle with varmints. Bring it on.

"Hey, I'm not messing with your special lady."

2011-03-20T01:08:00.004-04:00

As of recently, my roommates and I have enjoyed life as new urban chicken owners. There are a total of five new ladies in the backyard - 3 Rhode Island Reds and 2 Domineckers - all of which are laying eggs daily. (We had two ducks for a short time, too, but they were quickly eaten by an unidentified neighborhood predator.)

Aside from providing fresh eggs every day, the chickens have proved to be quite entertaining. You'd be surprised by the reaction a trophy earthworm can illicit. One favorite past time involves throwing treats at one end of their run then the other, effectively racing our hens back and forth. Their running style is pretty hilarious. Like a flock of mini velociraptors.

It didn't take long for merely hanging worms over them to evolve into trying to feed them by mouth. Chickens flying up at your face is pretty unnerving, but that's what makes it a worthwhile, noble activity, right? Aren't you proud, Mom?

I'll post more poultry-related material in the future, but for now, they're most useful in that their enclosure can double as a temporary goat enclosure. The goal is keep a couple of goats for two days and see how much damage they can do.

Right now, the enclosure is completely overtaken with non-native invasives: bamboo, autumn olive, and English ivy. If I had to guess, I'd anticipate the goats honing in on the bamboo leaves at head level. That would be ideal - limbing up the vegetation to increase visibility into the enclosure while at the same time preserving the shade and cover the bamboo offers.

"Way to go, Donny!"

2011-03-20T00:01:00.003-04:00

Check it out. Looks like the University's catching on to the alternative grazing approach to ecological restoration. You can read more about it here.

Oddly enough, I used to ride my bike daily right by the parcel of land they fenced off - a linear strip of privet and honeysuckle sandwiched between the Oconee River and River Road. I can remember thinking to myself, as often is the case now, that "my goats would be perfect here." It's good to know I'm not the only one.

I had lunch the other day with two men from the University Architects office. They were interested in and encouraged by the blog, as well as very receptive to the idea of somehow incorporating goats into the equation in the future. At the very least, I offered my time and labor in an effort to stay involved with the project.

"What is that, yoga?"

2011-03-08T11:59:00.003-05:00

We have at my house no shortage of bamboo. Whatever spiteful gardener that previously lived here has left us and our neighbors with an infestation. But, as we now know, one man's trash, is another goat herder's treasure.

So, with the Jeep loaded down with the results of a heavy thinning, Brian and I headed to Mrs. Charlie's to share the haul with the herd. As anticipated, they were happy to see us.

What we hadn't anticipated, however, was getting lucky enough to be present for a goat birth. Unbelievable timing. And as if the timing weren't perfect enough, this happened to be the last remaining pregnant goat of the season.

Notice Abbey in the background. As you can tell, those dogs are incredibly vigilant and protective. Mrs. Charlie could not speak highly enough of her two Great Pyrenees. She stressed that had the goat given birth in the evening out in the pasture, one dog would have escorted the herd back to the barn for the night, and the other would stay by the newborn kid and its mother all night. She added that her predation rate since the two dogs' arrival has dropped to zero. Man and goat's best friend.

This particular goat is a Toggenburg named "Cripplet." (Her not-so-subtle name is the result a knee-stiffening birth defect that initially made walking impossible.) The sole leftover of a donated group of goats, she's the only one of her kind in Mrs. Charlie's herd. In most cases, though, Toggenburgs are used primarily as dairy goats.

Also, I'll take advantage of the corny segue opportunity and mention the birth of this blog's Facebook page.

Dana/Mikey Goats

2011-03-08T11:47:00.004-05:00

Next stop on the garden tour is Mikey and Dana's. Remember, this property had 4 goats on it for about a month. That's some intensive grazing. Given the time, the goats stripped the yard of any leaves under six feet. Even the plants they first shied away from - aucuba and holly - were completely denuded.

Now that I think about it, the length of time it took for the goats to naturally transition from more palatable invasives to less attractive ornamentals would be valuable to know.

Notice the leveled plane of vegetation in the pictures below. Somebody over there came up with the idea of hanging weights on the limbs to give the goats access to more leaves. Sheer brilliance.

Above is the previously impenetrable corner of privet, honeysuckle, and English ivy. A little elbow grease and a couple of goats, and voila, recovered yard space. What's also interesting is the goats' stripping the bark off the trunks of the larger privet. Those privet "trees" were left standing, but perhaps girdling them in such a way would be enough to kill them. Guess we'll find out...

Dougie House Update

2011-03-08T11:39:00.006-05:00

Here's the first of a flurry of posts. Plenty to catch up on.

No better place to start than the Dougie House. Pictured below is the back yard as of this Spring. Notice the remaining bare privet behind the benches. The last image shows what the goats started out with about 2 years ago. Holla at ya herd.

"I like your style, Dude."

2011-02-11T19:41:00.002-05:00

This picture was taken in early December. From it, we can deduce that

a) Willy is a badass

b) 7 inches of snow isn't enough to deter a goat's appetite

c) Dana has a knack for frisbee/husbandry photography

"Racially, he's pretty cool?"

2011-01-25T18:47:00.014-05:00

At both goat roasts, I've toasted the goats before releasing the masses to eat. And both times, I've delivered an average (at best) speech, worthy of nothing more than a head nod and stray "hear hear". Clearly, I'm no orator.

If I were smart, I would have incorporated some Wendell B. quotes. Nothing like a little agricultural activism literature to get a bunch of college kids jacked up, right? Add some alcohol and a spit-full of meat, and we could have a serious goat roast on our hands.

There's always next year to look forward to, though, so I've been digging around for some relevant passages. Mr. Berry's "The Pleasures of Eating" seems particularly appropriate. Aside from the all-encompassing phrase "Eating is an agricultural act," Berry suggests seven ways to better understand and appreciate our food. The first sentence of each point is listed in bold below.

1. Participate in food production to the extent that you can.

Turning over two overgrown backyards to a not-entirely-legal goatscaping experiment on a leap of faith seems pretty close to "the extent that you can." Check.

2. Prepare your own food.

Check.

3. Learn the origins of the food you buy, and buy the food that is produced closest to your home.

The total distance from fire pit to Ms. Charlie's barn is 12.2 miles. Check.

4. Whenever possible, deal directly with a local farmer, gardener, or orchardist.

Check.

5. Learn, in self-defense, as much as you can of the economy and technology of industrial food production.

Backyards beat industrial-scale feed lots any day of the week. Check.

6. Learn what is involved in the best farming and gardening.

That's why you're on my bookshelf, Wendell. Check.

7. Learn as much as you can, by direct observation and experience if possible, of the life histories of the food species.

When your goats' favorite hangout is the back porch, it's difficult not to learn the ins and outs of Capra aegarus hircus. Check.

"Just because we're bereaved doesn't mean we're saps!"

2011-01-24T22:48:00.007-05:00

All hands on deck.

An excellent finish to another successful goatscaping season. Three and a half goats were roasted to perfection, feeding around 50 friends and family. Not bad for a few chubby goats and some side dishes.

And thank you again to those who brought food. Very cool. There's no way I'll remember all that was brought, but there were spring rolls, slaws, mac and cheese, spicy cabbage, desserts, beans, salads, and sweet potatoes. All to supplement the goats - one Texas barbecue, another Jamaican jerk, and the other Mediterranean. It was quite a spread.

Come n' getcha some goat.

It seems like I overheard the Jamaican jerk goat getting the most high praise. No surprise there. This year, we were lucky enough to have a goat seasoned by Kelly, owner of the legendary Kelly's Authentic Jamaican Food. He kept his recipe pretty close to the chest, letting us only see the final seasoned product. Whatever he did, he did it well.

A big Dougie Shoutout to all involved in this year's goat project.

A Job Well Done

2011-01-18T03:15:00.004-05:00

What a day. It's difficult to describe an afternoon and evening dedicated to killing and skinning four goats. Either in conversation or with text. So, I'll save the struggle for the next time somebody asks me in person.

Now, I can say that it went as well as a day like that can go. From start to finish, the guys insisted on being involved, eager to be a part of the process and learn as much as possible. I was impressed with just how willing they were to get some serious hands-on learning. Job well done, men.

Pictures of the process can be found here. Be forewarned, if goat guts aren't your thing, perhaps direct your attention here, instead.

Now comes the fun part: scheming about just how we're going to prepare these bad boys. The theme of regional cuisines has been tossed out, with each goat cooked in the style of a goat-eating culture. That could mean a Jamaican Curry Goat, a Mediterranean Goat, a North African Goat, and a repeat of last year's Texas Goat. Everybody's a winner.

"If you will it, Dude, it is no dream."

2011-01-17T11:20:00.006-05:00

Today is killing day. And only now has the unidentifiable heavy feeling in my stomach begun to set in. It's not a nervous or guilty feeling, but whatever it is, it's there. A respectful anxiousness almost. It was there last year, too, and I hope it's there every time I'm in a similar situation.

In nearly every conversation involving goat slaughtering, someone inevitably brings up the "sadness" or "guilt" I should supposedly be experiencing. "Was it hard?" "How could you kill your pets?" "But they had names!" Heard 'em all.

And why shouldn't people be shocked? Killing and eating our own food is something most of us have become distanced from, either by choice or convenience. To be honest, before last year's goats, I was no exception. I sped past the animal rights activists passing out flyers just as fast as the next guy.

So, putting ourselves in a position to buy, raise, kill, and ultimately eat a large animal seems counterintuitive. But, the knowledge gained from last year's experiences - and several more this past hunting season - has resulted in an entirely new personal philosophy on eating food. Now, it makes too much sense not to.

Credit should also be given to the recent increase in food conscious movies and literature. Food, Inc., Supersize Me, King Corn, Wendell Berry, and Michael Pollan created a perfect storm of influences that has helped alter my views, as well as the views of countless others. The fact that this year's goat owners are adamant and excited about today's slaughtering is proof enough.

If you, the reader, are struggling with the idea of our four goats dying, I say to you:

Read and watch the media above. This essay by Michael Pollan is a good starting point.
Understand that our goats lived the happiest of goat lives
Rest assured the killing process will be as quick and humane as possible
Come celebrate the goats - and food sustainability - next weekend with the end-of-season roast

Goat Summit 2010

2010-12-18T00:32:00.003-05:00

Recently, this year's goat herd owners and I met in the Dougie House basement to determine the fate of our four brave goats. Ultimately, as was the case last year, all four will be killed, butchered, and turned into a delicious meal. The question is when.

Because of exams, work schedules, and the holiday break, it was decided that the goats would remain on Dana and Mikey's property, where they can continue to destroy the backyard's privet, honeysuckle, and English ivy population until everyone returns after the New Year. Then, sometime during the second or third week of January, all four goats will be killed, slow roasted, and celebrated with another Dougie caliber cookout.

Pictures and notes from the Dana/Mikey goat compound will be posted in a few week's time. Meanwhile, the latest report on the herd is that they have continued to clean up the yard and, most importantly, begun to concentrate on the groundlayer of English ivy.

"This is a private residence, man!"

2010-12-01T11:32:00.003-05:00

Like last year, the goats were together again for Thanksgiving Break. This time, the reunion took place in Dana and Mikey's yard, home of Trevor and Cody - the humble, grounded goats pictured below.

You'll have to use your imagination to compare the pictures below with what was once an opaque mass of privet and honeysuckle. Everything under 4 feet has been stripped bare, improving sight lines back into the yard. Hopefully, the groundlayer of English ivy will be the next course...

It looks like the goats will probably remain at Dana's over Christmas break as well. Not to knock on the Dougie House fence - which no doubt has more character - but Dana and Mikey's yard is a fortress. Almost 2 months, and not a single escape story.

From a restorative perspective, this offers some opportunities to

continue tracking how much damage 4 goats can do in over a month's time
observe how much leafing out the Dougie House yard experiences with no goats for a month
see how long it takes for the goats to clean up the Dougie House again after the break

"Come on, Donny. They were threatening castration."

2010-11-29T11:17:00.008-05:00

"Nobody's going to cut your dick off. Not if I have anything to say about it."

It's goat birthing time again on Miss Charlie's farm. Or at least we thought it was. A goat's gestation period is right around 150 days, or 5 months. So, with that fateful day drawing near, I spent the afternoon on the farm with the intent of getting some hands on experience in goat birthing and castration. Who knows, might come in handy later. Unfortunately, I came a little too early and wasn't needed. Maybe that's not a bad thing, though. Check out the tool used for castrating the poor little guys:

Definitely not something I see myself ever being comfortable holding. Ouch.

I did, however, get a chance to take the kayak out on the farm pond for some fishing. And, I wouldn't be a true fisherman if I didn't take this opportunity to brag about the catch of the day:

As much as I was tempted, Photoshop was not used in this image. Just a hoss.

Next time I'm out at the farm, I'll be sure to take some pictures of the herd's newest members. If they're anything like last year's bunch, they should be as entertaining as they are cute.

Another herd. Another service project.

2010-11-25T22:11:00.004-05:00

Click on the picture above to see a few more pictures of this year's chew crew going to town in a fenced-in, overgrown detention pond in one of Athens' first affordable housing complexes, 4th Street Village.

Besides a little tighter squeeze in the makeshift transporter and an unpleasant introduction to fire ants, our four goats peformed wonderfully. While Caroline, Clarence, Thomas, and I felled mimosa trees and gathered trash, the reunited goats spent the afternoon grazing on a smorgasborg of wisteria, dog fennel, and privet. Although a mere 6 hours barely put a dent in the space's overall appearance, the outing definitely serves as proof that goats should be considered as an economical, quiet, and entertaining management solution.

"Maude? That's my robe."

2010-11-25T19:03:00.003-05:00

Picture borrowed from ultimategoatfansite.com

It's a common misconception that goats will eat just about anything: hair, tin cans, rope, or this unlucky lady's top. The truth is, I was surprised to learn, that goats are relatively picky eaters. Several species in the backyard, for whatever reason, have escaped the terrible fate of goat grazing. Listed below is a running list of the less palatable plants.

Redbud
Azaleas
Hollies
Ferns
Jewelweed
Aucuba
Cherry laurel

From an ecological restoration approach, it's interesting to note that several of the plants our goats walk by on their way to privet are native. Perhaps even more noteworthy is that a few of these species have appeared naturally after last year's herd cleared the dense mat of monkeygrass and ivy.

A Month's Worth of Eating

2010-11-14T23:02:00.001-05:00

Here's the progress in right around a month. Job well done, goats.

Check out the view from the back looking at the deck. That's Dusty for scale in the middle this time.

See the post below for more before/after images.

Before, After, and another Before

2010-11-10T23:35:00.005-05:00

Here's a quick visual rundown of what we began with last September...

what last year's goats left us with...

and what this year's goats are up against...

To help give the vegetation some scale (and finally introduce Nate's mug to the blog) here's another shot looking back at the house:

As anticipated, it's pretty clear that this privet isn't going to go down easily. There is, however, some noticeable progress. For one, a large stand of jewel weed has established itself near the creek. And, although there's certainly no shortage of privet, the remaining plants are much more manageable and within easy reach of a hungry goat mouth. The English ivy, on the other hand, seems to have gotten the hint. You may remember the downed mulberry tree (pictured above) covered in a thick mat before being cleared by last year's three goats. Almost a year later, and it's still ivy-free. Booyah.

Two Proud New Herders

2010-11-01T20:17:00.005-04:00

Below are this year's two new goat herders. I played the role of goat broker/transporter, linking Willy (foreground) and Dana with Miss Charlie. Everything went smoothly - as in no bloody foreheads.

Don't worry. My time with these goats doesn't stop here. I'll continue observing the two new Dougie House Goats and comment on their progress. Dana was also kind enough to offer his goats as study material, so I should have access more than enough goatscaping to write about.

More to come soon.

"Speaking of idle hands..."

2010-10-27T17:01:00.002-04:00

Long time, no post, I know. Here's a gem to get back into the swing of things:

The Colbert Report

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

People Who Are Destroying America - Landscaping Goats

www.colbertnation.com

Colbert Report Full Episodes

2010 Election

March to Keep Fear Alive

"Check my LP's."

2010-01-09T15:38:00.005-05:00

Remember the experimental goat herding at 5 Acre Woods post? Here's some video that was shot that day. Coach Counter gives a brief summary of what exactly is going on before I come in carrying the late Digby. Count how long it takes him to start eating. This place is a goat's Land of Milk and Honey.

Another short clip of John Abraham doing what he did best.

It didn't take them long at all to completely decimate what little vegetation we encircled. Unfortunately, I was alone when the resources ran out and the goats got rowdy. Keeping them under control and relocating their paddock would have been nearly impossible, so I spent the morning pulling up the surrounding privet and tossing it in with the goats. Had there been another set of hands, or, better yet, a larger and sturdier enclosure, goats could easily make a dent. Wouldn't take too long at all to see a noticeable change for the better. Maybe as our class moves into the project, I can convince someone to let me try again.

"Some beers. A few laughs."

2010-01-07T18:34:00.009-05:00

The third and final goat hit the fire a few days after Christmas. For the most part, the cooking process followed that of the previous roast word for word. Dad did, however, put on his Iron Chef hat and personalize the dry rub, substituting rosemary, salt/pepper, and an Italian seasoning for the mixture of processed powders and spices from the first goat roast. He also had the forethought to let the spices do their thing overnight. Veteran move, Timbo.

Our homemade pit was by no means as official as the bomb proof pig roaster back in Athens, but it got the job done just as well. The heat stayed high enough to make keeping your hand just under the meat nearly unbearable. Each piece of meat browned nicely on each side for a little under an hour before being sealed up in aluminum foil with onions, celery, lemons, bell peppers, carrots, potatoes, garlic, and what was left of a vinegar baste.

After another 2 or so hours on the fire, we were left with the same result: a pile of tender, hand-pulled meat and juicy, savory vegetables. Some friends and family pitched in with scalloped potatoes, chili, and appetizers. All in all, we had a pretty impressive spread capable of feeding 20-25. Luckily, there were only about 15 mouths to feed, so I got to mix and match leftovers for the next few days.

That was the last of my goat meat, so any more gourmet goat posts will have to wait until I can convince a few friends to compete in this summer's Brady, TX Goat Cook Off. That's right, the big show, the Rose Bowl of BBQ, where every aspiring goat roaster dreams of one day competing against the same living legends that guided our inaugural goat roast back in December. Realistically, it'd probably unwind a lot like Rocky V - an up and coming competitor gives the grizzled veteran a run for his money but is ultimately taught a painful lesson. But, what if...

Getcha Some Goat, Mike

2009-12-21T20:29:00.007-05:00

What's Micheal Essien's secret to outside-the-18 bombs and sick volleys? Probably a good work ethic, lots of practice, and a little luck. But I'd like to think that someway somehow, his wanting a goat for Christmas is relevant to the matter.

And, if he's lucky, he might be able to snag one of the 21,000 goats the Ghanaian government is handing out to "increase meat production reducing importation, increase the income of farmers, and provide employment."

"Welp. That about does her. Wraps her all up."

2009-12-19T16:01:00.009-05:00

Monday was the big day. One of those start early and finish late kind of days. But it couldn't have gone much better. Here's a brief recap:

The Secret Ingredients

As usual, I got too excited during the preparation process and forgot to keep taking pictures. Above is just about everything used during the roast. Salt, pepper, and dry rub (orange tint tupperware) went on first. I'll admit, the mustard rub that was supposed to follow next never actually happened. (No big deal, though. It was added later.) The cider vinegar baste was generously drizzled over the meat for the first 2 hours before dumping the remaining liquid into a aluminum foil mummy bag with celery, onions, garlic, bell peppers, brown sugar, and lemon juice.

Slow Roastin'

From about 12 until 4, this was the scene in the backyard: a couple of friends and I standing around, watching these two guys cook with our mouths watering. Other than the initial difficulty of getting a bunch of wet wood to start, the fire burned nice and hot all day long. All that was required of us was to flip after a little over an hour.

Who Dat Goat?

After those first 2 hours of cooking had come and gone, it was time to wrap the bad boys up. I had a little miscalculation when purchasing aluminum foil: only had enough to wrap one goat, so we threw the other on top while Willy made a heroic Kroger run. The timing worked out well. By the time the first goat was ready to eat, the second was on its last 45 minutes of cooking.

Come Getcha Some Goat

The unwrapping of the first goat was a little nerve racking. No one had seen the meat since we covered it in aluminum foil 2.5 hours earlier, so we were clueless as to how everything would turn out. Luckily, we peeled back the foil and a cloud of delicious steam burst out. The meat was already falling off of the rib cage and everything was tender enough to pull apart with fingers alone. We waited a few minutes to let things cool off, then several pairs of hands pulled the meat and divvied it up into 2 large pans, one on each side of the table.

Whatever hamburger buns Willy picked up at the grocery store were gone within minutes, and the rest was piled up onto some paper plates. I could be wrong, but I don't think we dirtied any silverware the entire night. Guys and gals alike showed their inner carnivores, diving in hands first and reducing the goat to nothing but bones. Even the vegetables disappeared. (Some might argue they were the best part.)

As soon as Goat #1 was entirely consumed, Goat #2 was hoisted off the flames and moved to the table as well. Again, it was gone in no time at all. In fact, I heard several times that the second goat was better than the first. Must have been the extra brown sugar Sous Chefs Mark and Gibbs tossed in at the last minute.

Here's a link to a few more pictures of Monday's goings on. Thanks to everyone that showed up and tried a bite. Seeing that many people gathered around a big hunk of slow-roasted meat and having a grand ol' time was the goal from the get-go. What little time I had to stand on my tip toes and survey the crowd enjoying the goat meat was very rewarding. Made all that early morning goat wrangling and poison ivy worth it...

"Does he still write?"

2009-12-12T15:19:00.005-05:00

I was a little too ambitious shooting for a Friday afternoon tipoff for this goat roast. Between exams and limited daylight, we made the executive decision to postpone the event for Monday. The weather man's predicting 65 and sunny, so I'm calling it an upgrade. And it gives me time to clean up the yard a little and prepare these goats.

With the newfound down time, I enlisted the help of two friends, Reid and Mark, in quartering and splitting one goat to be frozen and eaten later. I didn't think about pictures until too late, but here are two starring our guest butchers:

Also, I got another perspective on the art of goat cooking yesterday while shopping at the local Piggly Wiggly. I only intended to get directions to the butt rub aisle - you can laugh - but, as it turns out, the head butcher happens to be an avid goat barbecuer. I filled him in on my situation was immediately bombarded with helpful advice. He loaded me up with all his favorite spices as well as instructions on mixing and coating. Basically, any trade secrets left out by Alton were filled in with this guy's personal favorites. By the end of the conversation, we had covered vegetables, spices, herbs, vinegars, and sauces. I checked out $32 poorer, but 10x more excited and confident.

"I dig the way you do business, Jackie."

2009-12-11T14:28:00.007-05:00

Pre-goat

Post Goat

The backyard's going to get one last makeover before the final roast. I'll post more pictures after I've got it looking extra sharp. For now, clicking the top picture should refresh some memories of the jungle that used to be the yard.

"And yes, we'll be near the In-&-Out Burger."

2009-12-10T23:41:00.006-05:00

Alright, glad that's out of the way. On to the more enjoyable activity of cooking and eating our landscaping crew.

There's a lot of meat - much more than my immediate family could fit in their freezers. So we're dusting off the original Couchon de Lait roaster and launching a spur of the moment goat roast for tomorrow night. Since those goats hit the ice on Saturday, I've been digging for some advice on how to best cook these guys. I hit the jackpot at about 6:30 this evening.

Google came up with the link to Brady, TX's annual Goat BBQ Cook Off. Took me right to the city's governmental webpage. At the bottom is a link to their Facebook page. (Check out the most recent post.) From there, I found a lone telephone number, apparently Brady, TX's phone. Elaine picked up. After hearing my story, she gave me the names and numbers of two of the competition's most well-known local cooks. Cha ching. (Well, I got Alton's number. She couldn't find Charlie's, so she gave me his mom's number. Never could get a hold of her, though.)

Alton, it turns out, is like the Gandalf of goat roasting. A cabrito Olympian. He's competed in each and every cook off in the event's 36 year history. 175 teams of serious goat cooks, and Alton's hoisted the 1st place trophy on several occasions, including last year's "Super Bowl," a separate event only for previous winners. On Cook Off weekend, next to his RV setup is prime real estate. He and his teammates, the "Three B Company" collectively, feed the neighbors all through the night - 5 goats, 60 lb pork ribs, brisket, sausage, 8 lbs of beans. I thought our two pigs was a big deal. "Ha. Laughable, man!" These guys are Hall of Famers.

These people are crazy about roasting goats.

And he was generous with his advice, too! Family recipes, blue ribbon winners, traditional methods, mesquite versus oak firewood. I was schooled on bbq goat for a solid 20 minutes, scribbling away the whole time. After hearing about and approving our exiting pig roaster situation, he recommended the following:

Flatten the goat's bulk by splitting in half or quartering.
Add a dry rub seasoning, salt, pepper, and garlic. Be generous with the salt.
Add a wet mustard rub.
Prepare a baste with following: cider vinegar, mustard, butter, Worchestershire sauce, and plenty of salt.
Roast for an hour over 275 degree heat, adding baste. Then flip.
Roast for another hour, adding baste.
Wrap meat in foil. Before sealing, generously baste.
Let it do its thing for another 2 - 3 hours.
"Done when it pulls apart and you can't stop eating it."

I'll be sure to take pictures before, during, and after this whole fiesta. Once everyone present has eaten their fill, the rest will be bagged up and sent home with friends to recreate the event with a microwave.

"Donny was a good bowler..."

2009-12-09T00:05:00.016-05:00

I woke up Saturday morning to a voicemail from Miss Charlie with the name and number of her neighbor, the expert goat killer that would show me the ropes. Rodney picked up the phone and told me to get on out there to get started. Within a half hour, I had a big cooler from the Dougie House loaded up and I headed out.

Got to the farm at the same time Rodney pulled up in his truck. Big white pickup with an ATV in the bed. He backed it right up to on an open space by the barn. After introductions, he showed me his homemade ATV hitch accessory: a 2-piece pulley system to hoist antelopes up off the ground in Wyoming, where there aren't any trees. Yeah, antelope. Wyoming. But he's hunted, killed, and butchered anything that moves short of humans - farm and game animals alike. Bear, moose, elk, deer, pigs, cows, goats, turkey. You name it, he's killed and eaten it. So if I was ever going to learn from somebody, it would be this guy, the tip top of the food chain.

And learn something, I did. Rodney was very patient and instructive, not to mention a big fan of experiential learning. I drove off the property having done a lot more than I had anticipated upon first arriving. Definitely an afternoon I won't soon forget. But what an experience. And a valuable skill to be familiar with.

I've thought a lot about which details to share publicly and which to withhold. There are parts of the story that probably wouldn't be appropriate in most circles, so I'll let you ask me about them in person.

I will say, however, that the goats died a very quick, clean death. Instantaneous. Rodney's preferred method is shooting the goats with a .22 rifle (in the head), then hanging and skinning much like you would a deer. If you're interested - and it sounds like several people are - here are a couple of pictures from the afternoon. Be aware there are, in fact, dead goats in the pictures. Any particularly bloody or disturbing pictures were not included, so don't be too hesitant to click. Looks just like your grocery store meat would. The captions are somewhat instructional, you know, just in case 2012 rolls around and you've gotta feed some mouths.

In the end, all three carcasses fit inside one jumbo cooler, where they've been since. Rodney recommended keeping the meat on ice and water for a few days, changing it every so often to flush the blood out of the meat. Consider it an expedited, home scale equivalent of the 2-week hanging, or "aging," of your everyday cut of beef. Now, after 4 or 5 days, nearly all the blood has been drawn out, and we've got some seriously tasty looking meat on our hands....

Getcha Some Goat Pics

2009-12-06T11:28:00.005-05:00

Stonewall: half goat, half Minotaur.

Abby: Head of Security.

Cutest of all time.

I got plenty of pictures of the farm this weekend. There are 14 baby goats out there right now. Most entertaining 2 pounds of fur I've ever encountered. Click here, Grooveshark your favorite Lion King song, and put the "slideshow" function to work. Just try to be in a bad mood.

"Dude, tomorrow's already the tenth..."

2009-12-03T21:34:00.007-05:00

Here's the sparknotes recap of the past few weeks:

Guerrilla Goat Herding: That was the last time you heard from me. On a Tuesday. No real developments since. Word's spreading onto the 6th floor about some "goat kid" two floors below. Well, probably more like "goat kid with poison ivy."
Poison Ivy: Apparently, the goats got into some poison ivy while on the 5 Acre Woods property. After picking them up, carrying them, etc., I must have got the oils all over my hands. Then I got in the Jeep, played with my weak excuse for facial hair, and proceeded to get the evil ivy oil all over my mug. Went to bed Wednesday an average homo sapiens; woke up on Thursday morning Quasimodo. It was bad. Eyes swollen shut. Neck, ears, cheeks, lips. Everything irritated and huge. Stumbled to the health center and freaked out the nurses. They gave me shots and pills, creams and sprays, shook a medicine bag around my head and chanted counter curses. It still sucked for a solid 72 hours. But I'm healed now. And you better believe I won't ever make that mistake again. Now you know too.
Thanksgiving Break: That Friday, Harvey Dent face and all, I took the goats out to Miss Charlie's farm to hang out with the old herd so we could all enjoy our turkeys back home. They've been out at the farm since. All according to plan.

Not to toot my own horn, but when dropping off the goats, my three were noticeably fatter than any other goats on the farm. Like, Biggest Loser fatter. I was proud.

"What are you, a park ranger now?"

2009-11-24T14:50:00.005-05:00

Guerrilla Goat Herding

The idea came up during a "Privet Pull" at a local urban forest, 5 Acre Woods. It was an extra credit opportunity, so I expected to get in, get out, and earn a couple gimme points on my next Planning test. When I mentioned to the man in charge and hometown friend, Coach Counter, that his overgrown lot could use the help of my goats, he jumped all over the idea. 48 hours later, I was getting permission to miss Tuesday's classes so I could herd my goats.

Everything went relatively smoothly. The goats had two temporary paddocks, with the first pictured above. I spent from 9:30 to 1:30 with the goats at the first paddock, watching them obliterate every privet plant within reach. The second paddock was monitored by Coach Counter and several of his classmates, also landscape architecture majors, while I ran back to campus to take a Plant ID quiz. The goats left the property right at 5:00 PM. After roughly 7.5 hours of non stop eating, our three guys were noticeably stuffed.

Picture worthy?

The transportation went pretty well. With two pairs of hands, it'd be a cinch. Another Dougie Shoutout to Hans for loaning us Millie's jumbo dog crate. Once I got all three inside, they rode comfortably both to and from the site. (I spotted one guy in a pickup truck leaning over his dash with a camera taking a picture of the above scene. I wonder if he was an Achiever...)

There were a few complication with the fencing. This black plastic stuff just won't cut it. It's too brittle and the goats can lean on it way too easily. Some taller, orange construction fencing might do the trick, especially in terms of mobility. And then electrical fencing is always an option if you really wanted to be temporary. If you had the time and resources, the best bet would be to string up hog wire around the entire area and let the goats do their thing. It wouldn't take long for a small herd of goats to make an obvious dent in a privet infested lot like 5 Acre Woods.

Overall, Coach Counter and his classmates seemed to enjoy the goats' help. There were plenty of pictures taken and even a video or two, so I'll be sure to share when I get a hold of them. Unfortunately, keeping goats within Athens city limits isn't at all legal, so we can't go too big with using goats on the property, but it's definitely something to consider on down the road.

"Another caucasion, Gary."

2009-11-19T12:57:00.006-05:00

Acorns v. Noble Goat

We had our first taste test yesterday. "Slam" Duncan and Dora donated enough Water Oak acorns to feed the goats for a week. They hauled an entire wine box full of the morsels off their roof, just to share with our goats. That's a lot of acorns to be carrying up and down a ladder, especially for an older couple like our neighbors. Big time Dougie Shoutout.

I didn't think the goats would find something they like more than their daily pan full of Noble Goat, but it wasn't even close. Like watching a family of obese rednecks devour a Shoney's buffet line. They were chowing down.

The big oak is located almost on the property line between us and Dunc' and Dora's. I've noticed the goats hanging out under it's canopy munching on fallen acorns before. Unfortunately, that's the only mast producing tree on the property. Tulip poplars, sweet gums, black gums, mulberries, and maples are the usuals in the backyard. They'll eat the freshly fallen leaves, but I'm sure the goats would rather have a few more oaks back there, constantly dropping little, delicious nuggets all around them.

I wonder how they feel about pecans...

"New sh*t has come to light, man!"

2009-11-17T23:47:00.006-05:00

It's finally time to cross that bridge I've been putting off for so long. Thanksgiving Break starts this weekend and lasts through the next. That's a lot of time to leave these three dudes unattended and just hope for the best. Yeah Right. That was one (extreme) option. Another (extreme) option was to rush the slaughtering/processing time to late this week. Wasn't comfortable with that either.

So we decided to take the goats back out to Miss Charlie's farm either Wednesday or Thursday to chill with her herd. (Dougie Shoutout to freshman year intramural soccer phenom, James for the suggestion.) That way I won't have to worry about Digby getting into Dora's camellias. And, since the goats will already be out there, Miss Charlie offered her neighbor's help in the entire killing/skinning/butchering process. I'd like to be involved and learn as much as possible from this guy. Wouldn't be opposed to the idea of getting my hands in there either. In fact, I think I should. And you'd be surprised how many people have voiced their desire to be involved in this phase of the goat experiment. Unfortunately for my bloodthirsty friends, I haven't granted anyone the wish of tagging along. Yet, at least. Is that something you can invite your friends to? If they're genuinely interested in learning?

On that note, the topic of eating goat meat came up in our conversation around Miss Charlie's wood stove. That whole ordeal will be eye opening. From what I understand, after Neighbor Randall and I have done the less appealing components of a "goat harvest," we'll be left with an entire skinless carcass, which she recommended we cut in halves or quarters, boil in a large pot, barbecue, then freeze. She confirmed that all of this could be done in our backyard with our Cochon de Lait setup, and even offered to lend us a massive cauldron to boil all our goat at once. I foresee an entire day devoted to cooking goat meat and distributing it amongst friends. Plenty of time to do research on different ways to prepare goat.

On top of loaning us her pots and babysitting the goats, Miss Charlie sent me home with a big zip-lock full of frozen goat meat. Boiled, then barbecued plain, then frozen. I just nuked some and tried it for the first time. It's tasty even by itself. A1 sauce is all I've got to dress it up with in the fridge, but I'm already thinking of all the cool ways this could be cooked.

"They're called Autobahn. They released an album in the late 80's."

2009-11-17T23:21:00.006-05:00

Was just blinded by my camera's untapped technology. It certainly doesn't look capable, but the Google Picasa picture reader managed to pull up an accidental video from the depths of my camera's memory. Opens up a lot of doors. With so much testosterone back there (their gargantuan testicles are still the #1 source of conversation), we might get lucky enough to record something as YouTube-able as this:

Or this, if Scott would quit watching Bear Grylls act and do something worthwhile, like, for instance, train goats to climb ladders, walk tightropes, and stand on a cup, all with a monkey conductor:

UGA Goat Facts

2009-11-15T12:32:00.005-05:00

Here's a fact sheet on meat goats in the state of Georgia. From the UGA College of Agricultural & Environmental Sciences.

"In a recent survey, Texas retailers said they could sell 4.8 million goat carcasses a year if they could be supplied."

That's a lotta cabrito. If this landscape architecture thing doesn't work out, looks like Plan B is invest in a sturdy staff, get myeself a good dog, buy a couple of goats, and start my career as a Lone Star State goat herder.

"Is there a Ralph's around here?"

2009-11-12T19:28:00.003-05:00

With the leftovers of our liberated hog wire roll, we finally replaced that eyesore sweetgum situation. Looks much, much cleaner, and I can sleep easier not having to worry about extra brave goats. Gracias, Scott, for the helping hand. (Another perk of the bonfire pit is the house's newfound motivation to clean up fallen limbs for pyromania purposes.)

On the other side of the yard, our original solution is still kicking ass. I think it's got more to do with goat's hating water than us being crafty. But if you've spent as much time as we have wrangling up adventurous goats, you'd get excited about small victories like this too...

Weathering The Storm

2009-11-12T19:14:00.002-05:00

We got yet another serious drenching all day Tuesday. Steve's Creek was noticeably swollen, and the yard itself was pooling up all over. Thankfully, the goat shelter and hay remained high and dry, so the herd didn't seem to mind too much. They were quiet, which, from what I understand, means you've got happy goats on your hands.

After the rain eased up and the wind picked up, the goats were pumped to have all the fresh leaves falling all around them. And it left the backyard looking as attractive as I've seen it.

Dougie Shoutout to Papa Condon for hooking us up with some heavy duty nails to secure our new benches. Also, there's a nice layer of mulch around the benches somewhere under all those leaves. Good work, Dusty.

"Sure, you'll see some tank battles."

2009-11-10T19:18:00.004-05:00

Breakfast, returning from online humiliation, puts the hurt on a Digby/John Abraham tag team.

I'm more than a little concerned with Digby's court awareness. Several times Breakfast had him backed up to within inches of a disastrous fall into Steve's Creek. Now that would be YouTube material.

"I've seen a lot of spinals in my day."

2009-11-05T12:33:00.011-05:00

The family came in town last weekend to check up on me and the goats. After their initial fascination wore off, Mom whipped out the new camcorder in hopes of bringing back some urban goat footage back to the grandparents and immediate family. (Dougie Shoutout to Uncle Homer for the names "Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner.") To spice things up, my brother Henry and I encouraged some climbing by placing privet and goat feed up off the ground. Here's the result:

"Sometimes they fall. That'd be ideal." We couldn't have scripted it any better. He even waited for me to finish my story. Fortunately, he hopped right back up and went after the Noble Goat like nothing happened - so I don't feel guilty posting it for the world to see.

"Like an Irish monk?"

2009-11-04T23:20:00.002-05:00

Here's the new bridge gate. Yeah, I realize it's not going to featured on any home improvement shows, but it gets the job done. And it was free - liberated hogwire fastened to lumber from a frat dumpster with some nails.

The already leaning rail makes the entire bridge look awkward (and unsafe), but no goats have been dropping land mines on it since the gate's inclusion. So we're saying mission accomplished.

"It's just part of your whole sick Cynthia thing."

2009-11-04T22:58:00.003-05:00

Remember that post daring any ambitious goats to make the 4 foot jump into Dunc' and Dora's yard? Well, John Abraham strutted up there and leaped like it wasn't nothin' but a peanut. He stuck the landing and promptly starting munching on Dora's camellias.

I blocked off that potential escape route with a conveniently shaped limb. (Since this picture was taken, the barrier has been beefed up with the salvaged dumpster lumber.) When he made a second attempt and was stumped by the new impasse, he did a 180 back to the notch visible in the picture. Then he took off even farther up the downed tree, getting as much as 10 feet off the ground. He didn't like his odds as much from there and turned back before I could snap a picture from the other side.

Again, I suppose I could take preventive measures and block off that route as well. But, like before, I'm interested to see just how capable these goats are of escaping. A nine to ten foot jump is quite an accomplishment. Maybe something I could brag about as a goat owner...

"Dude, I finally got the venue I wanted."

2009-11-04T22:46:00.001-05:00

The Dougie Deck is once again hospitable. Now, the steps and side of the deck pictured are fenced off with our newly acquired hog wire.

It's becoming more and more obvious that the number one challenge with goats is keeping them where you want them. Definitely underestimated their abilities. I'd say about 75% of my time spent with the goats is patching up a fence or solving some other boundary issue. If you have the option, do it right the first time and save yourself the trouble down the road.

"This isn't 'Nam. There are rules."

2009-11-03T12:30:00.005-05:00

Here's the first paragraph of the email I received earlier today from University Housing:

"Juneau Construction plans to conduct a pre-dawn, concrete slab pour tomorrow morning. The concrete pour is scheduled to begin at 3:00am on Wednesday, November 4, 2009. Set-up will occur before 3:00am. Set-up will likely include mobilization of the pump truck, minor crane operation, powering-up of light towers, and mobilization of manpower."

All right outside my window. Is President Mike reading my blog? Am I being punished?

"Mobilization of manpower?" Are we getting ready for war? And is there really such a thing as "minor crane operation?" If you're operating a freaking crane, you're operating a freaking crane. It's going to keep me up. That's just asking for me to liberate construction materials for my goats. Maybe a few leftover palettes. Or maybe even some new roof shingles for the goat house...

Still Accepting Donations

2009-11-01T22:59:00.004-05:00

"Slam" Duncan and Dora's Most Recent Contributions to the Cause

Big Dougie Shoutout to neighbors Dunc' and Dora for their generous donations of 3 antiquated and disfigured landscaping tools:

Rusty and undoubtedly unsafe, those loppers are still every privet bush's (and my appendages') worst nightmare.
The newest gift, our bent pitchfork, has definitely seen better days. But I'd put money on my Grandpa being able to fix it. So it may be useful yet.
Those old school wire cutters are money. We had some dinky ones from one of the guys' tool kits. Probably a graduation gift. All they did was wear my arms out. These guys, on the other hand, slide through hog wire like butter, making my life so much easier.

Dora's even hooking up the goats with the occasional treat of a Ginger Lily plant from her yard. She says they slurp down the long, lanceolate leaves all at once. Pretty impressive.

"Eyeball to Eyeball"

2009-11-01T22:23:00.004-05:00

John Abraham laying the wood to Digby

While working on a new fencing solution to keep the goats off the deck, I heard Digby and Johnny A going at it on the bridge. I snapped a few action shots but only this one comes close to giving justice to the intensity and sheer bloodlust. There were some serious head butts and even a few flying kicks out of Johnny's corner. Almost knocked Digby into the creek. He's easily the baddest mutha on the block.

Goat Grub

2009-11-01T22:07:00.003-05:00

Goat Food Fit for Nobility

Just purchased this bag of goat feed from Tractor Supply. If you're like me and way too interested in goat nutrition and weight gain, you can check out more details here. It comes in a pellet form, and the goats seem to think it's delicious.

It's a 5o pound bag, and I'm only giving each goat 2.5 solo cups full per day. So we'll see how long this goat grub lasts. Once they go through the whole thing, I would think it'd be close to slaughtering time. But we'll cross that bridge when we get there...

Dougie Pit

2009-10-30T18:17:00.002-04:00

Dougie Pit

A backyard bonfire pit had been the topic of conversation for the past few weeks. Then, one afternoon, Scott and Willy decided to lace up the work boots and scavenge the backyard for suitable rocks, concrete chunks, and splash pads. Once assembled and dropped into place, they made a pretty sweet little fire ring. And, before you know it, there were a dozen friends in the backyard lounging around a nice, warm fire.

Not only did the goats effectively clear out an area in which to build and enjoy a fire pit, but they also gladly provide the next fire's fuel every time I toss them a fresh privet branch. So, along with clearing out the backyard, we can applaud these goats on encouraging the Dougie House residents to get out and enjoy the backyard. (This is especially timely, considering Taylor's recent diagnosis of Nature Deficit Disorder. More to come on his path to recovery.)

Since that night, quite a few defoliated privet branches and fallen limbs have been relocated to the pit, which leads me to believe there'll be another bonfire night in the very near future. Rolling a few more log sections around the fire might be necessary to accommodate the masses...

"Wouldn't hold out much hope for the tape deck though."

2009-10-30T17:26:00.002-04:00

It's raining again.

But the goats seem content just chilling under their 'Free Palestine' roof. The hay has remained dry despite its doubling as a bedding material for Tevon (or whatever we're calling him this week). Also, the palette is keeping plenty of floorspace dry. That's the good news.

The bad news is that this rain's getting in between me and my shepherding duties:

there's a roll of neglected hog wire begging to be pilfered and strung up,
one of the two creek channel fences needs a makeover, and
we desperately need a better way to keep goats off the bridge.

"You didn't think I was rollin outta here naked, did ya!?""

2009-10-27T16:29:00.009-04:00

If you haven't already checked AllThingsGoat.com today, you need to start adjusting your internet browsing destinations. Give it a look see. Our goats should still be on the front page. First blog shoutout. Sweet.

It's raining now, and has been all day. Scott reports the goats have been under their brand spankin' new shelter, munching on the bale of bermuda grass hay that Miss Charlie hooked us up with. It had been sitting in the back of my vehicle this whole time, waiting for the appropriate time and venue to vacate the Jeep's trunk. Not a moment too soon.

In other news, last night's reconnaissance bike ride led to the discovery of 3 rusty rolls of hog wire among discarded washers, dryers, and dishwashers behind a graduate housing building. One in particular looks to be just the right amount to replace our makeshift goat barrier. I'm not opposed to liberating a few linear feet of neglected fencing from leftover University construction. Again, it's all justifiable as personal revenge for President Adams' unforgivable sin. (And the Dougie Deck really needs its table back.)

"Over by the In-and-Out Burger."

2009-10-21T21:15:00.008-04:00

Finally got a chance to see Homegrown, a short film following the Dervaes family's attempt to live a low impact, self-sufficient, Little House On the Prairie lifestyle - on a 1/5 acre lot smack dab in the middle of L.A. Sounds like prime blog material, right?

As the product of a similar urban situation, I was encouraged by Papa Dervaes' success. Something crazy like 6,000+ pounds of produce! And only after 3 years. Think about that. In 36 months, his house went from pain-in-the-ass, weekly mowed, relatively useless American front yard, to a working, edible landscape.

Granted, the Dervaes family devotes all their energy to their household. Odds are, the average Jeff Goldblum isn't going to cut short his miraculous big screen career to start tending his bok choy beds. But what if everybody eased up on their definition of the "perfect yard" a smidge to the point we wouldn't dub Mr. Dervaes a "nut?" Or at least not make a movie about his yard.

What's so sacred about a giant, trimmed green rectangle anyway? Usable space? Try again. When was the last time you saw your parents host a flag football tournament with their friends in the back yard? Throw some native grasses out there and let the thing go, Pops. Maybe go crazy with a few rows of corn and wine grapes. Or goats.

There are countless superior alternatives out there, both economically and ecologically. Xeriscapes, permaculture, formal gardens, forest settings, wildflower drifts, native prairie grasses. Plenty of job opportunities for me and my classmates should the average American quit listening to Scott's commercials...

"Who's this gentleman, Dude?"

2009-10-21T11:02:00.006-04:00

Goat's Eye View of Wall of Deck Furniture

There was some furniture rearranging last week on the Dougie Deck. Realizing no one would be home for the weekend spurred some creative solutions to keeping the goats on their best behavior during our absence. Digby has been getting bolder and bolder in his escape attempts, regularly climbing up the steps and hurdling over the small fence onto the deck. Once on the deck, the goats would still be confined to the back yard by the deck's opposite fence - but better safe than sorry. Our makeshift barrier included 5 or 6 chairs, a table, some pots, a ladder, a tool shelf, and a grill. Not pretty, but it worked. And it only cost zero dollars.

In addition to securing the perimeter, I also cut some more overhanging privet limbs. About half were placed under either side of the shelter to encourage its use. The other half disappeared within minutes of hitting the ground.

I cut another huge pile of privet last night that should keep the goats occupied all day. After last night's pruning, almost all of the privet hanging over the fence line has been removed and consumed by the goats.

2 Birds: feeding the goats and visually widening the yard.

1 Stone: Dunc' and Dora's backup (and antiquated) loppers.

"I'm a brother shamus!"

2009-10-14T22:44:00.005-04:00

As of 10:30 PM the goats were not using their shelter tonight. Instead, they're huddled up against the brick house, directly under Taylor's window. There's enough overhang from the roof above to keep the first 3 or 4 feet protected from rain. My guess is that our new Goat Mariot has a leak, or several leaks.

Closer inspection revealed that their TempurPedic cargo palette under the shelter was indeed damp. The roof must be saturated with water and dripping all over the interior. I assume a simple tarp would solve the problem. Besides a chance of rain tomorrow evening, the weather looks dry for the next week or so. Should be enough time to dry everything out again.

Last night, after Dusty's hairdo finally evolved into something similar to a young, '02 World Cup Landon Donovan. (With Kev's help, as is the case when friends shave friends' heads, the process took a detour through the Kenny Powers set on the way to the finished product.)

How is Dusty's scalp relevant to urban goat ownership? Well, you can strike "human hair" off your list of things you thought goats would eat. With this much goat-human interaction, we're bound to come across plenty more outlandish offerings. For example, according to Willy and Taylor, goats are simply not interested in over ripened bananas. Dora, on the other hand, would be quick to tell you that my goats enjoy the taste of her prized gardenias and ginger lilies.

Goat Shelter/Dougie Guest House

2009-10-13T21:42:00.004-04:00

Here it is. We cut the (Pabst Blue) ribbon tonight in celebration of the goat shelter's completion. A palatial, 3-compartment, bachelor goat pad.

The branches in the outer "rooms" are freshly cut privet from over the fence. I'm hoping they, as well as the case full of Bermuda hay, are the only house warming gifts the goats need to get the hint.

Yeah, there's probably a better method of dispensing hay to goats. But I'd like to think my goats would be PBR drinkers if, you know, goats drank beer. Plus, the case was free. And at hand when the need for a feeding trough hit me.

I'm sure improvements will be made to the goat inn as the weeks go by. Current ideas include stacking leftover firewood along one or more sides to shield the interior from cool breezes. And, if there's room, it might be possible to squeeze one more palette under there. No rush though.

Rain's in the forecast for tomorrow, so we'll see how this thing stands up to the weather. And if the goats prefer it to under the deck. They better.

There's plenty more to write about, but Scott just called and said Dusty's head is being shaved. I'm sure you'll understand.

Mark Powers' Goat Photography

2009-10-12T17:06:00.003-04:00

View the start of Mark's career as a goat photographer

These steps seem to be the goats newest favorite hangout. If they're not eating, odds are they're stacked up on these steps taking a power nap.

"You gotta date next Wednesday instead!"

2009-10-12T00:05:00.005-04:00

Future Site of LEED Certified Platinum Goat La Quinta

I ran out of daylight/motivation this evening after choosing this particular spot for the new goat shelter's future site. But before throwing in the towel, I rolled four 30" logs into place and relocated the old shelter's cinder blocks. I'll recruit Scott to help out with some grunt work, so it should be hospitable by tomorrow. And look something like this.

To the immediate right and left of the pictures borders are two huge magnolias. It's obvious that their combined canopies keep the ground relatively dry. And those leaves should last through winter. There'll be a palette under there as well to keep the sleeping quarters above ground.

Also, because we here at the Dougie House are forward thinking folk, I'm interested in locating and designing the temporary shelter with the idea in mind to turn it into a compost pile on down the road. The goats are certainly doing their part in spreading some fresh fertilizer all over the yard, but if we ever wanted to use the free Miracle Grow Goat Manure for next year's peppers and tomatoes, we'd be out of luck. So, if there's a way to concentrate the goat turds in an area, I figured it'd make things easier. Wouldn't take a second to remove the roof and roll a few more logs around to make the framework of an easy compost pile.

Some Serious Goat Merchandise

2009-10-09T09:28:00.004-04:00

I had no idea there was such a market for goat apparel and gifts. My favorite was the "My kid is cuter than your kid" bumper sticker. Not because it's particularly clever, but because from a distance it would just look like you're calling every other driver's kid ugly. Which is funny. Otherwise, these goat people have gone off the deep end with shirts like this. Or this.

"That's just the stress talkin', man."

2009-10-08T23:07:00.005-04:00

Digby started climbing this tree right up against the neighbor's property. He scuttled up there like he had an escape route in mind, but ended up only nibbling on a few magnolia leaves and Dora's camellia.

The end of that log ends directly over the fence, about 5 feet off the ground. So, the jump is doable, but Digby would have to really be invested in something on the other side to attempt that sort of leap.

If we had to, we could saw off about 2 feet or so of log to further discourage any daredevil goats. But, I'm interested in seeing if he'll make the jump. (And not about to spend a half hour sawing a log.) So the log stays.

"I will not abide another toe."

2009-10-08T22:26:00.003-04:00

Our less than perfect history with fences led me and Scott to go ahead and tackle the creek channel issue as well. Previously, we had 5 or 6 pieces of the salvaged frat lumber crossing the channel at several angles, making a pretty half ass goat barrier. And an eye sore.

This new solution drops a strip of black fencing down from the existing wire fencing. Stakes and zip ties were used to keep the fence taught from top to bottom.

Where high water and debris come rushing down, we made two vertical cuts so that a section can swing downstream and allow the junk to pass under. To keep it weighed down in place and deter goats from testing its strength, we fastened a heavy stick to the bottom. It looks nice, but that doesn't mean squat to a goat. We'll see how long until we have to go chasing again...

"Saturday, Donny, is the Jewish day of rest."

2009-10-08T20:46:00.005-04:00

I've been admittedly misleading in my reporting of goat escapes. Here's the truth, and nothing but the truth:

For a solid 5 days there, I sighed every time I saw Dusty, Taylor, Willy, or Scott's name light up my cell phone. It's safe to say we've all had our chances to get over the learning curve on how to catch and transport escaped small livestock by hand. Poor Taylor had a daily cardio session trying to keep them out of "Slam" Duncan and Dora's yard. With midterms all week and an empty wallet, I had to make do for as long as possible with what was available. There, that was the disclaimer. Don't judge.

First the good news. The herd has successfully removed all privet from the back yard. Only their bare, leafless stalks remain. Like the Elephant Graveyard of invasive exotics. With my goats replacing the three spooky hyenas. I'll get pictures of skeletal plants uploaded soon.

For whatever reason, all three have honed in on the privet plants throughout the backyard. They're so efficient, in fact, that the only remaining privet is overhanging the fence from over the fence. Even that is sheared off at head level.

Unfortunately, one privet branch was located directly above the section of fence made of the material salvaged from beneath the deck. Whether he knew what he was doing or not, Digby's weight was enough to tear/bend the fencing material. Along with the fact that the fencing was old and brittle, the real problem lies in the diameter of the individual fence openings. The holes were small enough to allow a goat's hoof to place pressure on it. The hog wire fencing around the rest of the yard had holes big enough to render a goat's hoof useless. No traction, no leverage, no jumping, no escaping. Pretty simple.

As I noted earlier, the goats had no idea they were doing something wrong by walking through a hole in some porous black object. Their idea of making a break for it seems to consist of wandering about 15 feet, head to the ground the entire time, nibbling on whatever their mouth touches.

I admit it wasn't pretty, but our "solution" did the job relatively well. The picture at the top of this post depicts our efforts to discourage goats from reaching for the problematic privet. It's basic structure consisted of two rows of black fencing zip tied to stakes. All covered in whatever was at hand (wood palette, old picket fence section, branches, etc.). After two missed lectures spent goat wrangling, I finally called the Goat NooB Hotline.

Miss Charlie was happy to hear an update on the goats, and, when presented with our problem, offered to donate a roll of hog wire to the cause. About 3o linear feet of it - the exact amount needed to patch up both previous fencing solutions. Muchos gracias, Farmer Chuck. It's becoming quite obvious these goat herders are a generous people.

Now, with Scott's help, the back fence is looking nice and goat proof. So far, we don't have any post repair escapes. And my phone's been much quieter. No news is good news.

Lesson learned. Have a sturdy fence at least 36" high without holes small enough to allow goats to lean on it. Unless their hooves slide through, they'll eventually get enough leverage to hurdle anything you can put in front of them. Now you know.

"Another caucasion, Gary."

2009-10-08T20:14:00.003-04:00

My appetite's been taken care of for the time being, so I don't anticipate traveling farther than the fridge for the remainder of the night. The dinning hall came through big time tonight with a surprise (to me) special 5-star dinner event. Hell yeah.

AND my roommate told me he broke up with his girlfriend the other day. Said he no longer wanted the brownies she'd made him on the counter. Sorry for your loss, dude. But don't count on those brownies making it through the night.

So, I plan on catching up on goat news in the company of the chocolate covered fruit I smuggled out in some Tupperware. It's not stealing if you're eating it yourself, right? Right.

In all seriousness, the dining hall put together a performance tonight. Delicious food all over the place. As a cyber high-five, I'll shamelessly link to their webpage as much as possible. Maybe even write a letter.

(Just to bring everybody back down to earth, some meat head plopped down across the table from me with his gallon jug of Creatine-y water, 3 sweet potatoes, and a bowl of chili. In the midst of a once-a-semester feast! Justified his main course with "sweet potatoes are awesome sources of carbs if you're trying to gain weight." Go 'dawgs.)

"3000 years of beautiful tradition."

2009-10-04T23:16:00.010-04:00

Because this blog's theme is centered around raising goats, I'll limit my report of the 2nd annual Cochon de Lait to a photo album and captions. But you could easily write a lengthy essay. A weekend for the books, to say the least. (Special thanks to the party paparazzi for donating their pictures. Photographers are cited beneath their pics. Feel free to send me more.)

The goats officially had their first "human interaction" this weekend. Saw that one coming. With somewhere in the ballpark of 100 people out back, they got plenty of exposure all day and night. They seemed to tolerate the entire ordeal fairly well though. They received a lot of attention from curious partygoers just interested in the fact that their were goats in the backyard. Others succeeded in rounding them up and putting t-shirts over their front halves. Give Willy credit for thinking up the "Eat Mor Pig" spoof on the Chik-fil-A cows. The goats didn't seem to care. Just kept kept on munching.

Another fiasco came when Millie, a visiting housedog from Cajunland, decided to test the goats' recreational value. My herd defended itself nicely, headbutting the old pooch before retreating to high ground. It's good to know the boys can throw down when they have to. Never know when an ambitious coyote or neighborhood poodle will need a beat down.

Lastly, Sunday afternoon I got a call saying one had escaped again. I use the term "escaped" loosely, because I honestly think they're too dumb to understand the idea of an enclosure. He simply put too much weight on my makeshift fence when leaning on it to reach some overhanging privet. The fence bent over and he walked over it to get more food. Apparently, it never left the area. Just sat there and ate. Much thanks to Taylor for goat wrangling. 15 minutes of fence mending and we were back in business with a superior, reinforced fencing solution.

It's beginning to become clear that there's not an exploratory trait in goats like there might be in a dog or cat. They're just interested in the next plant to dominate. Ultimately, that's good news for an urban goat owner. If they get out, it's just to eat the neighbor's plants. Not to chase the mailman.

Pictures and observations on their eating accomplishments are on the way.

"You want a toe? I can get you a toe."

2009-10-03T06:10:00.002-04:00

5:45 AM, time to start the late shift for the pig. It's a chore to keep my eyes open and fingers typing, so pardon the brevity. Just come and getcha some pig. Some of the 200 lbs of Cajun-cooked pig that's been spinning over a 3 x 7 foot fire for the past 12 hours. Pictures and details to be posted soon.

"He's a good man. And thorough."

2009-09-30T17:56:00.006-04:00

We just recently had our first two episodes of unexpected goat drama. Not to toot our own horns, but I think we mopped up the mess pretty quickly for 5 goat noobs.

Farmer Charlie wasn't kidding when she equated these goats to escape artists. The little rascals squeezed through a hole no wider than their bodies where the hog wire fencing meets the much taller wooden fence. Luckily, Dusty, Taylor, and Willy all pulled into the driveway before the goats had a chance to wander out of the side yard and into view of malicious dogs and law-abiding citizens. Crisis averted and lesson learned.

Our white dude with horns was feeling a little under the weather Monday afternoon. I don't want to get too graphic, but in case one of you out there is a prospective goat owner, a little detail might be beneficial. Big Al, we'll call him, was having trouble digesting something he ate. A quick google of "My goat's throwing up. What do I do?" turned up Doctor Dan's solution of baking soda. Sure enough, a pan of Willy's baking soda and hay later, Big Al was back to normal and enjoying the back yard.

In other news, I'm concerned with the number of mosquitoes swarming around goats. Rubbing some hardcore deet product from the bottom of my hiking backpack seems to be a temporary fix, but Big Al is the only goat okay with me getting close enough. Looks like I'll be fighting a silent war of attrition against the avian blood suckers. Here's my first two moves:

The local fire station gives out free larvae-killing brickettes to put in standing water. There's a half a donut's worth dissolved under the uprooted tree stump and two more on deck should I find any more stagnant sources of evil.
Remember the nasty tube you squeeze on the back of your pet's neck to protect against fleas, ticks, etc.? I picked up a generic pack of three for large dogs and wolves at Tractor Supply the other day. Again, Big Al's the only one cool with that much contact. The other two just made Mark and I look stupid chasing them all around the yard. Their treatments will have to wait until I can corral them up on the bridge.

"Now that's f*ing combat."

2009-09-28T10:32:00.005-04:00

Our three goat eating machine took a break yesterday to provide a little entertainment. This hornless guy has proved himself the best climber, scrambling up the downed tree trunk to munch on some English ivy. He looked pretty nimble up there, even when squeezing around a thick vertical limb.

The bridge seems to have become the goats' favorite hang out when they finally get bored of chewing. Usually, they'll all three lay down and nap at the highest point on the bridge, up against the entrance to the patio. Yesterday, however, the three got into a pretty intense game of King of the Hill. It was no Battle at Kruger, but it still reminded me of a Discovery Channel special on highland rams. The little guys would raise up on both hind legs, swing their heads down and around to get some momentum, then gently butt heads with each other, backing the opponent down the bridge before scampering back to the high ground to do it all again. The entire ordeal lasted about 15 minutes, plenty of time to call additional spectators out of the house to watch.

The goats are pretty fascinating to watch. The back deck has turned into a viewing platform of sorts, with house guests and residents forming an ever present audience. If livestock sociology were offered as a course, we'd certainly have a leg up on the competition. Rarely do the three brothers get separated. Individually, each goat appears to wander randomly from plant to plant. But, as a whole, they never get farther apart than a couple of yards. Other times, they'll gang up on a patch of horseweed and go to town for a few minutes, only to have their interest caught by a neighboring weed.

Judging from the scorecard in yesterday's tag team matchup, there doesn't seem to be a distinct aggressor or alpha male. All three got in the mix and appeared to hold their own. One in particular, all white with horns, had an impressive take on an Albert Haynesworth swim move. And, just like Big Al, he wasn't afraid to play dirty when things got physical. Horns up under the belly and kicks to the side. If you're not cheatin', you're not tryin'.

Goats goin' to work.

2009-09-27T15:07:00.003-04:00

I'm justifying putting up this embarrassing picture with the fact that it gives a human scale to the plants around him. A necessary evil.

Again, here's some more if you're really digging these goat pictures.

Miss Charlie's Goat Farm

2009-09-27T14:44:00.003-04:00

Some goats under the barn

Ray misbehaving

Notice the blood on Andy's forehead. Wrangling up goats in tight quarters got real in a hurry.

Miss Chuck's pastoral views

Here's a few more, if you're interested.

"And a good day to you, sir!"

2009-09-27T13:01:00.012-04:00

What a day yesterday was. Started around 7:00 AM with a biscuit and gravy from the dining hall, then off to the Dougie House to do some last minute repairs to the fence. I got rained on briefly, but there's enough trees on the property to make light sprinkles bearable. There must have been some fraternizing last night, because I think I spooked a few co-eds while working close to the downstairs windows. The unnamed pack of females emerged from the basement, wished me luck with my goats, and started off on their "walk of shame." Dougies doin' work.

Met Miss Charlie the goat farmer and her husband, Andy, around 10:30. We went straight up to the barn and I got a little lesson on worming. My trio was already hanging out in a pen under the barn. After entering the pen, you pick a winner, grab him by the leg, hold on like Hell, and wrestle his head still against your hip. It looked a little something like this, only my goats didn't seem to enjoy it as much.

Once you've got their head in a People's headlock, they chill a little. But then you have to squirt some nasty yellow concoction down their throats. They make it very obvious they don't appreciate it. Struggling, spitting, and making the most obnoxious yelling noise right in your face. The Amish dude in the video above must really love on his goats, because my experience was no where near as peaceful.

Then we loaded up the goats in the back of the Jeep and talked for awhile. True to her word, Miss Chuck hooked us up with 3 feed pans, a bale of hay, and some feed. She and her husband are extremely friendly and generous and were a pleasure to work with. All in all, I dropped under $150. (I'm including the cost of a $2 lottery ticket. I haven't scratched it yet, but I'll keep you updated.)

The ride home was surprisingly uneventful. I only caught one person in the next lane laughing at me and my mobile herd, but there could have been more.

Upon arriving, Willy and Taylor came out to greet the new landscaping crew. The goats didn't seem to care much about their new friends, seeing as they didn't look up from eating until 6 hours later. Literally as soon as their hooves hit the ground, they started chowing down. If it was green, they ate it. Like watching a bunch of chubby kids hit the candy aisle. I was ecstatic.

Until right before kickoff, I stuck around and observed my goats doing their thing. They just walked around, browsing on whatever greenery that happened to be near their mouths. From what I could tell, they don't have very picky tastes. In fact, they didn't seem to have much preference from one plant to the next. One minute they'd devour half a honeysuckle bush. The next they'd be shearing a privet stalk down to 12 inches off the ground. Brought tears to my eyes. Then, however, they'd move right along to my pepper plants, and annihilate them one at a time. I'm willing to make sacrifices though.

A CALL FOR ACTION

2009-09-25T22:08:00.002-04:00

I'm taking name suggestions for our three male goats. The more creative/controversial the better. If I get enough good ideas, I'll let you vote on the best ones with one of Blogger's polling gadgets. Otherwise, they're going to end up being named something easy like Moe, Curly, and Larry. Make 'em interesting, like your three favorite presidents, or Jeff Goldblum characters' names.

"Man in the black pajamas."

2009-09-25T21:12:00.006-04:00

Scott and I laced up the work boots and went to town on the jungle this afternoon. Solved the creek channel problem, uncovered some fencing from under the deck, sawed some trees, rearranged brush, relocated some cinder blocks, and built a shelter. At some point during all that, some good ol' boy delivered two truckloads of wood to smoke our pig over. So now there's a 5 foot high wall of stacked wood surrounding the pit. That's a lot of wood.

Notice the brilliant combination of form and function in this low budget example of Minimalist architecture. Holla at ya boy Ludwig, reppin' the "Less is Mo'." Unfortunately, it' will only be on display for the public temporarily. The cinder blocks will be placed around the pork pit, and the "Free Palestine" rally-goers want their sign back. (This particular side reads "Tear down this wall!" It took Taylor about 15 minutes of exposure to start yelling his new favorite phrase. Pretty funny.) Next week we'll have to build a more stable structure. Assuming no tornadoes or Palestine haters sweep through the backyard, this baby should last the weekend.

The creek channel issue was resolved by jamming the frat dumpster salvaged wood horizontally above the water. It's got enough space for higher water and your everyday flotsam to pass under, but no goat's gonna go through the trouble. It isn't like this place is Alcatraz. They should perfectly content chilling in our back yard.

The deadline for the fencing to be ready to go is tomorrow around 9:45 AM. It shouldn't take long though. Under the deck and entangled in English ivy, we unearthed several bundles of black plastic fencing and a dozen stakes. Scissors work fine on shaping the fencing to size, so that chore shouldn't take more than an hour. Plus, in an exchange for a ride home, our buddy Archie donated a bag of zip ties to the cause. Another friend, Hans, is lending his SuperSize dog crate to help in the goat transportation process. "Friends like these, huh, Gary?"

I meet Miss Charlie tomorrow morning around 10:30 to pick up these three dudes. To date, our total cost has amounted to zero dollars. All salvaged or stolen goods with the help of only a rusty old saw. Good practice for 2012. The goats will be our first cost. Miss Charlie set the rate at a buck a pound. With each goat weighing at most 45 pounds, the most expensive scenario is under 150 bones, or clams, or whatever you call them. Not bad for a mute landscaping crew. I'll keep a running tab on the operation and compare the total cost to the crew alternative. Interesting to see how much cheaper it will be.

Several family members have expressed interest in investing in my goat venture. Word's gotten loose within the family tree that $20 bucks up front will get you a couple of pounds of prime goat meat for the freezer come Christmas time. Now I've got eager calls coming in from uncles and aunts, and Grandpa claims Uncle Al is willing to outbid all competitors. I'm hoping the Thanksgiving table turns into a livestock auction and I end up looking like a miniature CSA. "Goat farmer" on the resume?

Tomorrow, you'll see goats. Until then, this should tide you over.

Goat Toy

2009-09-25T09:38:00.001-04:00

If our goats are anything like these badasses, this 3 sided compost pile and fallen tree should provide some entertainment.

2009-09-25T09:33:00.000-04:00

Here's the creek entering Dunc' and Dora's property. Notice the existing fence a couple of feet above the water.

Student run vegetable garden on campus? Yes please.

2009-09-24T21:31:00.003-04:00

Educational garden could come to University campus - News

How is this not a good idea? I know I'd be down to volunteer some grunt work and/or architectural drawings.

They're doing it right up at Yale, which should say something for it's credibility. Come on, Mike. You already goofed UGA's World Cup bid. Don't blow this one, too.

Backyard

2009-09-24T17:37:00.004-04:00

This is a snapshot looking down from the top deck across the middle of the yard. Not Nat'l Geographic quality, I'm aware, but it'll have to work until Santa brings me a new camera. (Mom, I know you're out there.)

"Lotta ins. Lotta outs. Lotta what-have-yous."

2009-09-24T16:55:00.005-04:00

Between the front page floods and project deadlines, not a whole lot was accomplished since the last post. I did, however, get a chance to talk to both neighbors. Here's the skinny:

I had spoken with Duncan the same day I met with Miss Charlie. Conditions weren't ideal. I was on the street with Duncan in his yard, separated by a wall of camellias. He seemed a little taken aback by our idea of housing three goats out back. He and his wife are avid gardeners, so I could tell it didn't take long for the image of goats munching on their annual flower beds to cross his mind. As predicted, his main concern was the goats using the creek channel/ditch as a passageway into his backyard.

He scoffed at the idea of installing fencing across the creek. Inevitably, debris would collect upstream and create a mess. He questioned the proposition's legality, as well. I'll admit to some truth stretching, but it didn't seem to improve his outlook. I left a little discouraged with only a "Well, we'll think about it."

Yesterday, I tried again with fresh vegetables as my ammunition. Dora answered the door this time. Unfortunately, I had interrupted supper, but she hung around the doorstep long enough to give some good news. The homegrown peppers couldn't have hurt our cause, but she said that they had decided the idea had some merit, and were excited to see the project along. In fact, Dora was a goat owner herself back in her day. So, she could turn out to be a valuable resource right next door.

The other neighbor, a Brazilian woman who's name I cannot pronounce or remember, is a professor at the veterinary college on campus. As any good animal lover would, she gave us the green light on the proposition. As is the case on the other side, this neighbor could be a good contact if anything ever goes wrong.

So, with a previous goat owner on one side and a veterinarian on the other, it's looking like we'd really have put a conscious effort into failing for this project to not succeed. Tonight's game plan is to construct some sort of shelter. Today's LAND3530 doodles and daydreams all point toward a three-sided structure of only cinder blocks and "Free Palestine" signs. But we'll see what happens.

"Ah. Nice marmot."

2009-09-20T17:49:00.006-04:00

I met Miss Charlie this afternoon on her farm a few miles south of Watkinsville, GA. She's got a beautiful piece of property with hardwood creek bottoms, plenty of pasture, and a nice, homey house. The goat herd was up under the barn with the two coolest guard dogs you could ask for. Apparently, Great Pyrenees have an instinctual trait that makes them protective of "their" goats. Charlie vouched for them, saying that if I were to cause any kid to bleat or cry for help, those dogs would be at my side in seconds, ready to get physical. And I believe it. At waist high, those beasts could get up and throw 'bows in a heartbeat.

After being introduced to the herd, Charlie spied three young males that fit the bill perfectly. Born in April, these three dudes weighed about 35 pounds a piece, and would put on another 30 before the end of the year. Their size - a little above knee high - is ideal for our existing fence situation. After all, having three hungry goats can only mean less weeds.

Just like every other goat farmer I've come in contact with, Charlie was very generous and informative. I got brief tutorials on catching and worming goats, veterinary troubleshooting, and feed requirements. Nothing too complicated, from what I can tell. She was even nice enough to offer some spare equipment to help get my career as a goat farmer off the ground.

So, everything's peachy on the goat front. As of right now, we have the following:

3 goats ready for pickup on Tuesday
Materials to build a shelter
A great resource in Charlie
A yard full of food

Yet, there a more than a few things we lack:

A goat proof enclosure
A shelter
Neighbors' consent

I lied about the pictures. It rained the entire duration of my visit, so the camera stayed dry in the Jeep. They'll be up soon.

"That had not occurred to us, Dude."

2009-09-19T19:03:00.010-04:00

A recent phone call to Miss Charlie, my newest Craigslist contact, has thrown some thought provoking factors into the mix. A goat farmer for 30 years, Charlie is an expert on all things goat. Turns out she's also a huge fan of goat meat. The first 25 minutes of the conversation was typical goat talk (grass, worms, water, etc), then she whipped out the possibility of raising goats for consumption. It got graphic quickly - killing, skinning, processing. And I was all ears.

So, I'm scheduled to meet with Miss Charlie tomorrow to examine her herd and further explore the possibility of raising goats for meat purposes. I'll be sure to take pictures to share.

Why eat the poor things?

Well, why not? It's certainly not a new idea. People have been chewing on goat meat for thousands of years. If Moses and his Old Testament buds were drinking wine around a goat spit, there's no reason why we can't too. Do a quick google search. Globally, goat meat is still one of the most popular meats eaten. Point is, it ain't that far fetched to be thinking about eating a goat.

Also, since the beginning, I've had in the back of my head the nagging concern of how this whole thing would end. There are Christmas, Spring, and Summer Breaks to take into consideration. Until now, I assumed I'd procrastinate as long as possible then cross that bridge when it was absolutely necessary. Obviously, that game plan's not going to win any awards. This will allow for a predictable timeline on the entire project.

There is also the argument that if I'm really interested in the idea of incorporating goats into the landscape, I should have this experience under my belt. I'd love to someday work goats into my designs of larger sites. And to be able to do that would require some knowledge of the subject. This route would definitely be valuable down the road.

Not to get too off topic, but eating these goats will be the first time my friends and I will be so connected with the food we eat. I'm afraid if I put on my locavore hat, I won't be able to stop typing, but it needs to be said that the average piece of food on your plate tonight will have travelled somewhere around 1500 miles to get there. You have no idea where the potato in your fry was grown, and you'll never shake the hand of the farmer that raised the chicken in your sandwich. It's frightening just how disconnected we are from the food we eat. This experience should be eye-opening.

"It's like Lenin said..."

2009-09-17T20:48:00.011-04:00

Today's plans to begin repairing the existing fence had to be postponed. Instead, we used extra wood to construct a makeshift ark in anticipation of the remainder of this Biblical rain storm.

While I'm trapped indoors, I might as well give you the low down on the backyard:

Creek: The backyard is split into two sections by a small creek. The water level rarely exceeds ankle-deep; however, it's probably kayakable as I write. The stream bed this trickle runs down has severely eroded banks - probably from rainstorms like today's.
Bridge: The 8-foot chasm is traversable by means of two bridges, one on either side of the yard. The goats will be free to roam around both banks, as both sides have plenty of weeds in need of munching. Because one bridge is accessible from the porch, it's likely that one bridge will be reserved for Homo sapiens, and the other for Capra hircus.
Garden: The Little Garden That Could is still holding on by a thread in a small patch along the creek. There's a few scraggly tomatoes and half a dozen or so pepper plants left, so the goats will have to be kept separate.
Materials: Between several personal collections and a ecelectic trove of abandoned materials under the deck, we have the following available to us for construction and maintenance purposes:

Hammer and nails
Rusty old saw
Duct tape
Pile of 4" x 8' lumber rescued from a friend's fraternity dumpster
(18) cinder blocks from last year's pig roasting pit
Shovel and rake
Unknown amount of pre-loved chicken wire fencing
(3) 4' x 8' sections of recyclable plywood signage used in one of Nate's Free Palestine rallies
Several old 1- and 2-gallon plastic plant buckets

Budget: Ideally, other than the initial cost of the goats, this entire adventure won't require any additional funding. If it does, expect "Goat Money" to show up on my Christmas wish list. We should be able to get by, though, until birthday and holiday cash starts rolling in. Having said that, there will probably be plenty of unpredictable expenditures. Having said that, it's important to stress my frugality. I'm not above liberating materials from UGA construction sites. Besides, their 2-6 am concrete pouring schedules are entirely incompatible with my sleep routine. And you could classify this as personal revenge for President Adam's decision to decline Athens' bid for hosting a 2018 World Cup match. Really, Mike? That's a no brainer, dude.

The weatherman's predicting rain everyday for the foreseeable future, so getting this thing off the ground is proving harder than I thought. I want to see a goat already.

"Look at our current situation..."

2009-09-16T21:09:00.005-04:00

We light the grill for the 2nd annual Cochon de Lait in less than 3 weeks. A small army of friends and family are expected to descend upon the Dougie House to enjoy 200 lbs of Cajun-cooked swine and watch the 'Dawgs lay the wood to LSU. This Pig Roast has been the topic of conversation for a solid 11 months now, so it's safe to say expectations for this 48 hour affair are high.

Problem: The backyard resembles a small national forest. Poison ivy, privet, honeysuckle, English ivy. You name it, it's probably back there. And in large quantities. Altogether, it looks uninviting, overgrown, and probably unsafe. Like a scene out of a John Rambo movie. It's a big back yard. And the residents aren't chomping at the bit to get back there with machetes and Roundup. So what's a poor college student to do?

Answer: Slash and burn agriculture? -Nah, probably frowned upon.

Napalm? - Nope. Fresh out.

Two female Nubian goats? - Yahtzee.

Over the next few weeks, for both a quasi-academic study and personal enjoyment, I'll be documenting our experiences with these two goats. In case there's more of you out there wondering if goats are the solution to all your problems, I'll to try to be as descriptive and informative as possible without turning this blog into a dry, online textbook. Among other unpredictable observations, look for the following themes to come up in my postings in the immediate future:

Fencing
Shelter
Enough food occurring naturally?

(And what's all this hype about goats eating anything? They'll be in pretty close contact with drunk college kids, so we should have some interesting reports by the end of the semester.)

Water
Naming the goats

(Any ideas? The more controversial the better.)

Noisy?
Skittish vs. friendly
Amusement factor
Will the neighbors care?
How cheap can I get a goat?
How long till the excitement wears off and we realize we're stuck with 2 female goats?

As of right now, we're at square one. All we've got is a Craigslist contact, a lot of weeds, and an existing fence in need of repair. There is, however, some old bundles of fencing under the deck. So, by this time tomorrow, the goal is a functioning, goat-proof enclosure.

"Wave of the future, Dude. 100 percent electronic."

2009-09-15T21:18:00.006-04:00

While I hope more interesting, this post should at least come across as one of a much different tone. My dark, scary perceptions of the internet and technology have been successfully replaced with shinier, happier images in a matter of minutes. My roommate Adam just hooked me up with two clutch improvements:

Plugging in my ethernet cable. I still don't know what "Mbps" means, but I used to get excited about my connection topping out at 15 units. He plugged something in, clicked a button, and we were talking 300. Right off the bat. Hell yeah.
Switching my web browser to Google Chrome. I had no idea Internet Explorer was considered so archaic. But now I've seen the light.

30 minutes ago, the words "ethernet" or "web browser" weren't a part of my vocabulary. How far till the noob finish line?

Next post is about goats. I promise.

"You're like a child that wonders into a movie."

2009-09-15T20:15:00.005-04:00

This is my first post. And it's a whiner. I have no idea what I'm doing and am completely out of my element with this blog design process. Way too many options and check boxes for a first timer.

Does this designate me a "noob?"

Among other things, I suppose this blogging experience will improve my computer literacy. Rock bottom isn't a good place to be upon entering the work force. Blew my mind the other day that we no longer have to write "www."

I'll post again shortly. With more interesting content, I hope.

Little Lebowski Urban Goats

"Donny, shut the - when do we play?"

"How was your meeting, Mr. Lebowski?"

"At the wooden bridge we throw the money out of the car!"

"They posted the next round for the tournament."

"They're gonna kill that poor woman."

"Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals."

"Gimme the marker, Dude. I'm marking it 8."

"What about the toe?"

"We are sympathizing here, Dude."

"Got the whole cowboy thing goin'."

"Some beers, a few laughs..."

"We're talking about unchecked aggression here, Dude."

"I will not abide another toe!"

"Leads? Yeah, sure. I'll check with the boys down at the crime lab."

"Hey, I'm not messing with your special lady."

"Way to go, Donny!"

"What is that, yoga?"

Dana/Mikey Goats

Dougie House Update

"I like your style, Dude."

"Racially, he's pretty cool?"

"Just because we're bereaved doesn't mean we're saps!"

A Job Well Done

"If you will it, Dude, it is no dream."

Goat Summit 2010

"This is a private residence, man!"

"Come on, Donny. They were threatening castration."

Another herd. Another service project.

"Maude? That's my robe."

A Month's Worth of Eating

Before, After, and another Before

Two Proud New Herders

"Speaking of idle hands..."

"Check my LP's."

"Some beers. A few laughs."

Getcha Some Goat, Mike

"Welp. That about does her. Wraps her all up."

"Does he still write?"

"I dig the way you do business, Jackie."

"And yes, we'll be near the In-&-Out Burger."

"Donny was a good bowler..."

Getcha Some Goat Pics

"Dude, tomorrow's already the tenth..."

"What are you, a park ranger now?"

"Another caucasion, Gary."

"New sh*t has come to light, man!"

"They're called Autobahn. They released an album in the late 80's."

UGA Goat Facts

"Is there a Ralph's around here?"

Weathering The Storm

"Sure, you'll see some tank battles."

"I've seen a lot of spinals in my day."

"Like an Irish monk?"

"It's just part of your whole sick Cynthia thing."

"Dude, I finally got the venue I wanted."

"This isn't 'Nam. There are rules."

Still Accepting Donations

"Eyeball to Eyeball"

Goat Grub

Dougie Pit

"Wouldn't hold out much hope for the tape deck though."

"You didn't think I was rollin outta here naked, did ya!?""

"Over by the In-and-Out Burger."

"Who's this gentleman, Dude?"

Suggested Reading

"I'm a brother shamus!"

Goat Shelter/Dougie Guest House

Mark Powers' Goat Photography

"You gotta date next Wednesday instead!"

Some Serious Goat Merchandise

"That's just the stress talkin', man."

"I will not abide another toe."

"Saturday, Donny, is the Jewish day of rest."

"Another caucasion, Gary."

"3000 years of beautiful tradition."

"You want a toe? I can get you a toe."

"He's a good man. And thorough."

"Now that's f*ing combat."

Goats goin' to work.